Unexpected
by Gmariam
Summary: Lily Evans finds herself disappointed when James Potter begins dating a new student during seventh year. A casual conversation about how to deal with it leads to unexpected consequences for her…and Sirius Black.


**Author's Notes:**

This story is written as dialogue only. This is exactly how I heart it, and I never had any intention of writing any narrative to go with it. This _is_ the story. If you do not enjoy this type of writing, please feel free to browse my author's page for something else. I highly encourage you to hear it in your head, however, and give this approach a try as it's great fun to write. :)

* * *

**I.**

"Bloody cow."

"Who?"

"The new girl. Julianna something-or-another."

"Oh, her. She's cute."

"Hardly. Do you have eyes or do you always use your—"

"Sorry, Evans. You're right—she's a total wanker."

"Bloody exchange student. Thinks she can waltz right into our seventh year and take over with her stupid clothes and her stupid hair and her stupid name."

"What's wrong with her name?"

"She has _two_first names. Wasn't one enough?"

"Must be different across the pond."

"I don't know how they do things in America, but here we have a proper way of doing things. We don't up and snog the Head Boy the first month of school, for one."

"You mean James, I assume?"

"Of course I do. It's disgusting."

"He's a guy, she's a girl. What's so disgusting about that? Besides, I'm available if you're looking."

"You're repulsive, Black."

"I'm also his best friend. I shall let him know how you feel about his choice of snogging partner."

"Don't you dare!"

"Then I'll be sure to tell him how happy you are for him."

"Don't tell him that either."

"Why not?"

"Because she's horrid."

"So you mentioned. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous, Evans."

"Of a Ravenclaw? Of an American Ravenclaw? Of a blue-eyed, blond-haired American Ravenclaw? Please."

"Sounds like just the right girl for James, if you ask me."

"Don't be thick. Of course she isn't."

"And that's why you're jealous?"

"I'm not jealous."

"You certainly are. And I know what to do about it."

"I certainly am not. And what do you mean, do about it? About James and Julianna?"

"Yes."

"Send her back to America on a flying carpet?"

"Not quite."

"Then what?"

"You need to make James jealous."

"Why would I do that?"

"So that he'll break up with Jennifer."

"Julianna."

"Whatever. He's just enchanted by her accent."

"And how would I make him jealous?"

"Hook up with some other bloke, of course."

"Like who?"

"I'll help you out."

"You? Seriously?"

"Good one, Evans. I'd do it, though."

"Do what?"

"Snog you, of course."

"Right here?"

"Now would be as good a time as any."

"You really think it would work?"

"It'll be fun trying."

"You're disgusting, Black."

"I'm helping you out by letting you use me to manipulate my best mate. I'm just being a good person."

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

"Nah, I'm good at it, Evans."

"Is he watching?"

"Yes. Shall I?"

"Oh, okay. Go ahead, I suppose."

"That's so romantic."

"It's not supposed to be romantic, Black. It's supposed to be an act."

"Right. Here goes then."

"You had better be as good as you say you are."

"I am."

"And this had better work."

"It will."

"Then I'm ready."

"I'm willing."

"I'm waiting."

"Er, maybe this wasn't such a good idea, Evans. He's giving me a funny look."

"What, now you don't want to be a good person and help a friend?"

"Not if it means another friend might hex my bollocks off."

"I didn't think of that."

"You don't need to. You're the one he fancies."

"Then why is he going out with the American twat?"

"Because you won't."

"I won't what?"

"Go out with him."

"Oh."

"Funny how losing something you never had makes you realize how much you actually wanted it, huh?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You were just willing to kiss me to get James to notice you, Lily. I think you know what that means."

"It means nothing."

"It means you fancy him back, that's what it means."

"I do not."

"You do so. And if you don't want to watch him stick his tongue down her throat, then you should do something about it."

"I was about to, only you quit the plan on me."

"I didn't think you really would."

"Sirius, what do I do now?"

"I don't know, Lily. I really don't know."

"Some help you are."

"I tried."

"You failed."

"It's your love life, not mine."

"Bloody cow."

* * *

**II.**

"You're up late, Evans."

"Hi, Sirius."

"Wait—what's wrong?"

"Why do you think something's wrong?"

"You used my first name. You only do that when something's wrong."

"I always call Remus by his first name."

"That's because he's the nicest of the lot of us. So what's wrong? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything, Black. I'm just thinking."

"I bet I could guess what you're thinking about. "

"I bet you'd be surprised."

"You're not contemplating what kind of magic to use on the American cow to get her off James?"

"I've already thought about that. I just can't bring myself to actually do it."

"I'll do it, then. What would you like—a Trip Jinx? Confundus Charm? Babbling Beverage?"

"Actually, I was thinking about your other offer. The one about making James jealous."

"You mean the one where I get my bollocks hexed off for snogging you?"

"Do you really think he'd be that angry? I mean, it's been two weeks and he hasn't insulted me once. Does he still fancy me?"

"I don't know, Lily. We thought he'd never get over you, but he does seem to really like her. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I missed my chance, didn't I? Unless your offer still stands."

"I would, I really would, but he's my best mate. I can't do that to him."

"Why does it matter, if he's moved on? He wouldn't care, would he? And you'd get a bit of snogging out of it."

"But what would you get, if it doesn't make James jealous?"

"A bit of snogging, I suppose."

"So that's what you're really looking for."

"You did say you were good at it."

"I am."

"Then maybe you need to prove it instead of talking about it."

"Is that a challenge? Move over, Evans, and make room on that couch."

"That's such a romantic way to start, Black."

"I thought it was just an act."

"Let's try it and see."

"You're up to something, Evans."

"You're stalling."

"You're sure?"

"Completely."

"Hm, you _are _pretty good at this."

"You're not bad yourself, Evans."

"I could get used to this. Ooh, that was nice. Do that again. Did James just walk in?"

"I think so. How about that?"

"Yes, that. Did he see us?"

"I don't think he even noticed. Went right upstairs."

"Oh well. That doesn't mean we have to stop, does it?"

"We could go someplace more private, though. This isn't the best place for this sort of thing."

"And where would you suggest we go for more privacy, then?"

"I know of loads of empty classrooms and cozy broomclosets."

"I always liked the Charms classroom myself. Lots of pillows."

"Why, Evans, I had no idea you were that kind of girl."

"You'll find I'm full of surprises."

"So you are. Charms, then. I'll meet you there in five minutes."

"Don't even think about ditching me, Black. You started this, so you better finish it."

"Actually, you started it."

"It was your idea in the first place. I'm just taking you up on it a bit later than planned."

"You know, Evans, I'm rather glad you did."

"Believe it or not, Black, so am I."

* * *

**III.**

"Morning, Evans."

"Morning, Black."

"Care to walk down to breakfast?"

"Certainly. I'm starving."

"Late nights will do that to you."

"Late nights in the library will do that to you."

"Late nights in the Restricted section of the library will do that to you."

"It didn't seem that Restricted last night, Black."

"It really wasn't, was it?'

"Sirius, has James said anything to you?"

"No, he hasn't. Has he said something to you?"

"No. That's all right. I was just wondering."

"Sure you were."

"I was. I'm actually getting tired of sneaking around. Maybe we should just forget about being sly."

"You mean, go public?"

"Or at least not worry about who sees us. I'm not sure why we were worried in the first place, since it was all your idea to make James jealous."

"_You _were trying to make James jealous. I was trying to not lose my best mate."

"Well, I don't think he'd mind now, do you? He's clearly over me."

"I don't know, Lily. It's complicated."

"You actually like sneaking around?"

"It adds an element of danger, doesn't it?'

"I suppose. It's certainly a challenge finding unused classrooms these days."

"It's like a snogging epidemic has hit the castle. I still can't get the image of Remus and Holly of out my mind."

"I'm just glad we haven't run into James and Julianna."

"Me too."

"Funny how things turn out, isn't it? I never would have thought of…well, us."

"Me neither, Evans. Me neither."

"It's okay, though, right? Us?"

"As long as it's okay with you, it's okay with me."

"Do you ever feel bad?"

"If you mean guilty, then yes, I do. I can't help but feel like I'm doing something I shouldn't."

"You're helping out a friend, remember?"

"That's right—I forgot you're just using me. I suppose that makes it all right that I'm betraying another friend?"

"If it helps, I'm rather enjoying using you."

"I told you that you would."

"Speaking of which—the Charms classroom is empty. Care to stop?"

"Before breakfast? I imagine our friends are expecting us."

"Well, let them wait. I want to try something."

"I'm intrigued."

"I'm already here. Lock the door, Black."

* * *

**IV.**

"Padfoot, wait up!"

"Hey, Prongs. Where are you off to?"

"Nowhere, how about you?"

"Er, just doing some extra studying before Charms tomorrow."

"The library is the other direction."

"Well, I'm not really one for the library, you know."

"I know. So who are you meeting this time?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's obvious you've been sneaking around with some girl for the past month. Who is it? That sixth-year Hufflepuff?"

"Nah, she's with Goldstein. I'll just wait it out and sop up the mess."

"Then who is it? And why the big secret?"

"Oh, it's no secret...not really."

"So why aren't you telling me?"

"Well, if you must know, I'm just getting a little extra help in Charms from Lily."

"Lily? Lily Evans?"

"She's the best in the class, Prongs."

"Yes, but she's…she's…"

"What?"

"Nothing. Can I join you guys?"

"I'm not sure how she would feel about that, to tell you the truth."

"Why, are you snogging her behind my back or something?"

"Well, er...actually…no…"

"You are!"

"Of course not!"

"Which means you are! You've been sneaking around with _Evans _all this time? How could you do that?"

"Because she asked?"

"She asked you to sneak around with her? That's pathetic, even for you. Tell me why I shouldn't break your nose right now."

"James, it's not like you're with her or anything. You're with Julianna."

"I am, but that doesn't mean that you can… that she can…"

"What? That she can go out with other blokes? That I can go out with her?"

"Exactly. It means you need to back off Evans."

"Why? Because you suddenly like her again now that she's unavailable? Come on, Prongs. That's hardly fair."

"You know I've always liked her."

"And yet you hooked up with that American, so we assumed you were over her."

"We?"

"Me and Evans."

"What the hell is going on, Padfoot? Tell me everything."

"I don't need to tell you anything, Prongs. It's actually between her and me."

"Then get over it fast."

"I don't see why I should. She's not yours."

"And she's not yours, either."

"No, she's not, but she's free to choose, isn't she?"

"She'd never choose you."

"She did and it's done. Get over _that_."

"You're some friend, you know that, Black?"

"Back off, Potter. I didn't do anything wrong."

"You went behind my back with the girl I've fancied for three years! I'd say that's definitely wrong."

"You were with someone else!"

"Then why try to hide it? You knew you shouldn't be seeing her, otherwise it would be all over the school by now."

"Okay, I admit that I didn't want you to get mad. And I'm sorry you are, but there's nothing I can do about it now."

"Break it off with her."

"Why? Just because you said so?"

"Because it's what friends do."

"James, I'm not going to hurt _her_ just to make _you _happy. That's a terrible thing to do to someone."

"Then you shouldn't have started snogging her. How did you think I'd react when I found out? That I'd just wish you luck with the girl I'd always wanted but you won?"

"Considering you were busy sticking your tongue down Julianna's throat, I sort of figured you'd be a hypocrite to think otherwise."

"You mean you were hoping I wouldn't find out."

"That, too—hey! What the hell did you hit me for?"

"That was for being a complete arsehole."

"You're overreacting."

"Want another one?"

"Just try it."

"Back off, Sirius."

"You first, _James_. Besides, it's not just up to me, anymore."

"Sure it is. Just tell her we talked."

"I'm not going to do that. If you want her, then you have to tell her yourself."

"What?"

"Look, she's not into me. I know that, I've known it all along. She only started snogging me to make you jealous."

"Brilliant plan. Your idea, I assume?"

"Actually, it was, but I backed out. I was only joking when I suggested it. I knew perfectly well it was wrong."

"And yet you hooked up with her anyway."

"Two weeks later. I figured it would be a one-time thing. I didn't think she'd want to keep it up."

"You didn't stop it."

"No, I didn't. I think I'm your stand-in."

"My what?"

"Your proxy. She was pretty upset about you and Julianna. I guess losing your constant attention finally got her to see what she'd be missing without you following her around and asking her out all year. She wants _you_, not me, mate."

"And you let her just use you? Why would you do that?"

"She's a damn good kisser, for one. And a good person who seemed kind of lonely, for another."

"And?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like her now?"

"I do. I admit it. It's been fun. But you know what? I can get over her. Apparently you can't. So if you want her, do something about it. I'll back off and play the broken-hearted best mate."

"You would do that?"

"I would, because I'm your friend, in spite of the bloody nose you just gave me."

"A friend who snogged her behind my back."

"You know, I thought you might want to hex my bollocks off, but I didn't think I'd want to jinx yours into your throat."

"Sirius?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry about your nose."

"No, you're not."

"Not really. Will you break it off with her?"

"No. But I'll get her to break it off with me. I think that would go over much better, don't you?"

"Are you sure?"

" 'Course I am. She's not going to want to date you if I dump her, is she? We're best mates, after all."

"I guess we are. Thanks, Sirius."

"You're welcome. So how's Julianna? Maybe we can cheer each other up later on."

"You're disgusting, Padfoot."

"That's exactly what Evans said."

"She's a smart girl."

"Except when it comes to us, James. Except when it comes to us."

* * *

**V.**

"What's wrong with your nose?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You're bruised. What happened?"

"Would you believe I just missed a spot cleaning up?"

"Of course not. You obviously got hit in the face. Tell me it wasn't James."

"It wasn't."

"Sirius Black, you can be a terrible liar sometimes. It was, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was."

"Was it about…"

"You? As a matter of fact, yes."

"So he's upset about us?"

"I'd say so, given how fast his fist moved."

"How did he find out?"

"He asked me."

"And you just told him?"

"Like you said, I'm a terrible liar sometimes. He figured it out for himself."

"Did you fight?"

"No, he just punched me in the face for a laugh."

"I mean, did you hit him back?"

"He's my friend—I wasn't going to snog his girl and then break his nose."

"I'm not his girl, Sirius. He's with Julianna."

"He is, although he didn't seem too keen on it after he heard about you and me."

"You mean, he likes me again?"

"I don't think he ever stopped, Lily. I really don't."

"Then why is he going out with Julianna?"

"Why did you start snogging me in the Charms classroom?"

"Well, I…"

"It's okay, Evans. I understand why. Probably better than anyone."

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? I'm with you now."

"What do you mean, you're with me?"

"We've been together for over a month, Black. Or hadn't you noticed?"

"No, I noticed, believe me. I noticed. I just never thought of us as a…couple."

"Well, aren't we?"

"If you call sneaking around in secret being a couple, I suppose."

"I suggested we stop the sneaking."

"You did. Does that mean you're over James?"

"Yes. Well, mostly. I think."

"He's not over you, you know."

"Really? How do you know?"

"I told you, he was pretty angry about it all."

"And he punched you."

"Exactly."

"Are you…are you okay? Are you still friends?"

"I don't know. I told you before it was complicated."

"Hm. Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think we should stop seeing each other?"

"I always said it was up to you, Lily."

"But you're a part of this too, now. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'll be fine. I've got Remus and Peter."

"What? You mean…you think it would be over between you and James?"

"I think it would be hard for him to see us together."

"Oh. Sirius, I can't do that to you."

"Do what?"

"Get in the way. Make you chose."

"So what are you saying?"

"Maybe it's time to end this…us."

"You mean, end our secret relationship?"

"Well, yes. I don't want to come between you and James. That's a terrible thing for a girl to do."

"What about James?"

"What about him?"

"Are you going to go out with him if we break it off?"

"Why would I? He only likes me because I'm going out with you."

"And you only liked him because he was going out with Julianna."

"I…I only _realized _it then."

"Like I said, sometimes you never know what's important to you until it's suddenly gone."

"That may be true, but it's too late. He's with her, and I'm with you."

"If that's what you want, Evans. It won't be easy."

"Why not? We're two people who happen to enjoy being together."

"We're two people who are about to lose someone we care about if we continue."

"You're not making this any easier, Black."

"It's not an easy situation, Lily. We kind of got ourselves a bit mixed up."

"We sure did, didn't we? Maybe we had better end it now and just go back to the way things were."

"You mean, with you pining over James?"

"Well, we did make him jealous…so maybe there's some hope after all."

"I'd say there's definitely hope."

"But where would that leave _us_? Are things going to be awkward?"

"Only if we let them. At the risk of sounding far too mature, perhaps we were simply meant to be friends."

"I'd like that—staying friends, I mean."

"I would too. It'd be something new for a change."

"What, a girl who didn't hate you after you chucked her?"

"I'm not dumping you!"

"That's right, _I'm_ dumping _you_."

"I'll be sure to act appropriately heart-broken about it."

"Are you?"

"I'll be fine, Lily. I just want you to be happy."

"You know, Sirius, you are a good man inside. And a good friend."

"Why is everyone always so surprised to figure that out?"

"Because you do a good job of hiding it, that's why."

"Well, don't tell anyone, then."

"I won't. If anyone asks, you're still a crude, conceited prat."

"I don't know what to say, Evans. I'm touched."

"You're also a loyal, considerate man, but I won't tell a soul."

"Thank you."

"Thank _you_, Sirius."

"For what?"

"For…us."

"You're welcome."

* * *

**VI.**

"Congratulations, Mrs. Potter."

"Why, thank you, Mr. Black."

"You're a beautiful bride, you know."

"I know. And you were a wonderful best man. Thank you for your toast."

"You're welcome. I found it in a magazine."

"You did not. I know you wrote that yourself and it was beautiful. You've always been there for us, haven't you?"

"I suppose so. Sick of me, yet?"

"Of course not. You've been with us since the beginning, after all."

"The beginning?"

"Seventh year. When you helped me with James."

"You mean, when I helped you make him jealous."

"Yes."

"By shagging you in the Charms classroom."

"Sirius! It never went that far!"

"It didn't? How come?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest."

"Hm, it should have. You missed out."

"I enjoyed what I got, though."

"You mean James?"

"I mean you."

"I remember telling you that you would enjoy it."

"You're insufferable. You know that, right?"

"Admit it—you went with me because you liked me."

"No, I was trying to make James jealous."

"It was a secret!"

"He found out eventually, didn't he?"

"And he punched me in the nose for it, if I recall correctly."

"Exactly—we made him jealous. Besides, it was more fun sneaking around, wasn't it?"

"You just couldn't admit you liked me. Still can't."

"You're right—it would have ruined my reputation."

"It would have been worth it."

"I'm sure it would have. But I doubt we would have been happy."

"Who needs happy when you can have great sex?"

"Sirius!"

"Oh, don't be modest. I've seen James the morning after. He practically glows. He'll probably go supernova tomorrow."

"You're embarrassing me!"

"I'm the best man, I get to embarrass the bride and groom a bit. Besides, didn't my toast make up for it?"

"Not that much, Sirius."

"I'm hurt."

"Get over it."

"Already done. So when will I be an uncle?"

"I don't know. These are dangerous times, you know."

"Yes, but he'll have two of the toughest parents looking out for him, not to mention some strong uncles."

"Someday, Sirius. What about you? Are you going to settle down one of these days?"

"I doubt it. I gave up looking for love when you dumped me."

"I didn't dump you. I knew you were trying to get me to break up with you so you wouldn't have to break up with me."

"How did you know?"

"The bruise on your face that day said it all."

"I'm glad the plan worked, then."

"It did, and I really should thank you again."

"That sounds promising."

"You're a good man, Sirius. And a good friend."

"That's it? That's all I get? One chaste kiss?"

"Keep dreaming, Black."

"I always am, Evans."

* * *

**End Notes:**

Don't you love when random conversations on AIM turn into random drabble-dares on LJ? That would be this story. I wrote this after a lovely chat with a friend, and then tucked my canon card behind my back as I wrote it. Yes, the blue-eyed, blond-haired American Ravenclaw is meant to be a cliché. Or me. And you all know I'm a die-hard J/L shipper, so no worries! This was just an exercise in insanity. As are the James/Remus and James/Sirius and Lily/Remus fics I've got floating around somewhere as well.. ;)


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